i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Randomize
