I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
