I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
