I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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