that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
