You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
