I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
