Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
