I'm jealous of your bromance
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
