White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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