2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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