i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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