So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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