Three words: puerto rican gang bang
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
