Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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