Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.