If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!