Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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