Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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