I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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