and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
