Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
someone get that fucking seahorse.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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