hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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