she woke up with a sticky ear
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
