Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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