I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
