Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
