Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
