Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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