i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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