i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
