too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
