He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
