Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Randomize
