I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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