Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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