Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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