i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
