i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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