I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i already hear my dad disowning me
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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