Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
There are leaves in my underwear?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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