I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
