He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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