I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Let's get the cat blown out
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Randomize
