hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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