Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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