I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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