Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
This is my gift to your gina
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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