last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
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