i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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