it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
