There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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