listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Dignity is for republicans.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
