I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
