he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
