batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I have aggressive nipples.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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