part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
well most of my day revolves around power hour
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
