her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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