Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
