hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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