he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
