yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.