Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(330): View more from Ohio

I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke

Fav 4 1047 2959
share tweet
(416): View more from Ontario

Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.

Fav 5 945 3163
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(954): View more from Florida

I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza

Fav 53 27115 2447
share tweet
(678): View more from Georgia

No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works

Fav 10 2784 1126
share tweet
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Read it at the TFLN blog
(919): View more from North Carolina

Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.

Fav 9 5211 1502
share tweet
(720): View more from Colorado

When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.

Fav 13 1275 4434
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(519): View more from Ontario

she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems

Fav 13 3805 1075
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(904): View more from Florida

My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.

Fav 19 3713 1050
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(630): View more from Illinois

I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.

(217): View more from Illinois

Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever

Fav 1 239 272
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT