you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You are the jesus of drinking