and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.