i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize