Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
