are you still at the devil's house?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
