just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
