Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
