my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Do vagina's smell?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Randomize
